Just something Im doing on tumblr.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Taylor on Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:37 am

Day Ten;
Spoiler:
While I wouldn't necessarily say I'm completely ashamed of my scars, I don't like them. Sometimes they're even a sort of comfort like 'hey, you SURVIVED that night!' and sometimes they're more of a 'wow, you had no self-control at all, and you don't have any self-control now either.' I think they're very ugly. I get embarrassed whenever someone sees any of my scars, to me they're really personal. They hold memories to some of the worst nights I've ever had. I have huge mixed feelings I guess.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:36 am

Day Ten.

I don't necessarily love them, but I don't freak out if they're showing anymore. I'm a motherfucking tiger that earned her stripes.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:07 am

Day Eleven.

School bathroom and church bathroom

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:32 am

(I'm not positive that I'll have internet tomorrow so I'm doing tomorrow's now.)


Day Twelve.

I keep them in my room.

~~~~~~~

Day Thirteen.

That it's not gonna help me any. But I keep doing it anyways.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Morgan on Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:58 am

I got REALLY far behind!
Days 4-14. Here we go!

4. Do you consider yourself “addicted”? why or why not?
I use to consider myself addicted. I don't anymore. I use to cut every day at least five times a day. It made me have this warm feeling that maybe if any one ever knew about this they would notice me. Soon I slowed dow. It was only once or twice a day, then only once or twice a month. I guess Im not addicted now... Im just hoping I don't relapse..

5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?
The scars. I don't really find enjoyment in how they look and how I have to fight to get them to where they start to fade and where they are hidden...

6. What about it do you enjoy?
I like being in control. I like knowing that I did this and not anyone else. I could stop it. I didn't have to listen to anyone else. No one else could make me keep doing it or make me stop. I controlled everything.

7. list 10 activities that help you calm down.
-Drawing
-Writing
-Playing with Hayden
-Taking pictures
-Walking around the lake
-Singing
-Laying in the grass, staring up at the sky
-Swimming
-Reading
-Watching movies

8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?
"I love everything about you, scars and all. I'm not saying they make who you are but they make you stronger. I've been where you are, and I'm still fighting. Me and you, we will fight together. We will recover together. And I'll be by your side the entire time. I just want you to get better." -Thomas
9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.

10. How do you feel about your scars?
Like I said in Day 5, I don't like them. I don't like that its something that will never go away and something that I have to hide. I feel like they show weaknesses...I don't want to be seen as weak...

11. Strangest place (school, park, etc) you’ve ever injured yourself?
Barboursville Vineyards, my moms work. Up at the ruin in the boxwoods. Its my safe place. I cried and cut and no one knew.

12. Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)
I keep them in a blue and silver jewelry box. They are hidden away now. Honestly I don't know where I put them, and I hope this is a good thing.

13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you’ve had?
Its not going to get me anywhere in life. It doesn't help anything. Well it does temporarily but not long term. If anything it makes it worse. And it doesn't make you better.

14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?
Thomas is a huge inspiration to recover along wit my three year old nephew Hayden. They are my rocks. My knights in shining armor.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:21 am


Day 14.

My entire armed team is an inspiration in my recovery. They're all guys and they don't treat me any differently because I'm a girl. They're truly my second family (my entire drill team is, but I'm closer to my armed boys) and I don't know what I'd do without them. They're the only thing that keeps me going sometimes and I want to be better for them. Even if they don't know about it.

*********

Day 15.

I do. Various tumblr blogs and various Instagram accounts.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Tue Feb 12, 2013 11:21 am

Day 16.

Don't fucking start. It doesn't help and you'll just get addicts to it. Don't fucking do it. Just don't start. It's a terrible thing to do.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:45 pm

Day 17.

I know a few people in person, and I know all of you, so.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:31 am



Day 18.

Dear me,
Thanks for getting your shit together. I know it was worth it. Thank you for taking the energy to do this and do this to better yourself and I know you feel better. Thank you for doing this for your team. Just thank you.
Love, me.

*********

Day 19.

1. You don't have to worry about people seeing
2. You fucking saved yourself
3. You bettered yourself
4. You don't have to feel so shitty all the time
5. You earned your goddamn stripes.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Sun Feb 17, 2013 1:07 am


Day 20.
When I did it at school because I was so pissed and depressed and shit.

********

Day 21.
All the time. I've been trying to avoid things that trigger me.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:09 am

Day 22.
The bus parking lot/the ROTC room.
The parking lot sounds random as hell , but that's where we practice for Drill.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Tue Feb 19, 2013 7:24 am

Day 24.
My favorite quote changes a lot, but at the moment it's a Winston Churchill quote. "If you're going through hell, keep going."

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  WalrusFaces (Layla) on Tue Feb 19, 2013 7:54 am

Day Six:
That feeling of being in control for that one moment while youre doing it.

Day Seven:
Talking to someone
Showers
Venting
Watching movies all curled up under some blankets.

Day Eight:
I dont exactly tell people about it.... So theres nothing to really put here. Its not something Im particularly proud of...But when people do find out pretty much all they say is "Why??? Please Stop!!" :C and stupid unhelpful crap like that.

Day Nine:
No I have not. Like I said, not exactly proud of it.

Day Ten:
Theyre kinda apart of me. They arent as defined as they used to be but I can still see them. Probably just because I know exactly where they are.

Day Eleven:
Probably under the bleachers at school. I skipped chorus. It was a stupid class anyways.

Day Twelve:
I still have them. Theyre all in a smal silver lockbox under my bed. The key is in my top drawer. Most people who were trying to recover would trow it away right? Well I didnt. And theres nothing wrong with keeping them. Just in case.

Day Thirteen:
That no matter how hard you try, once youve cut that first time its really really hard to stop.

Day Fourteen:
Probably my friends. Perhaps my ASOTA group. Mr. McEnerney is a good one. Hes a nice old man who always has something inspirational to say.

Day Fifteen:
Various tumblrs I suppose. I dont really go out seeking that sort of thing but it does show up on my dashboard sometimes.

Day Sixteen:
Dont do it. Its a bad Idea. There are better ways to get rid of the pain. Dont even start or youll get yourself in some deep shit.

Day Seventeen:
You guys. And only three other people in person.

Day Eighteen:
Layla,
Good job. You were always able to do whatever you put your mind to. Im glad you decided to put your mind to quitting. Look how far youve come along. Never forget those days because theyve made you who you are now. Remember and learn from your mistakes. Good job. Im very VERY proud of you.
Love,
Yo' Goddamn Self.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:44 am

Day 24.
My mom. My house. My town. Stupid people. People who cant keep promises. Almost everything, ok.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Thu Feb 21, 2013 12:08 pm

Day 25.
Nope. I used to, but I've forgot them. I don't like to think about self harm more than I have to.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:17 am

Day 26.
My drill team.
They're literally the only reason why I'm still here at this point.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Sat Feb 23, 2013 5:21 am

Day 27.
When I first started, I did it out in the open. Like, it was really hard to hide. Now, when I do it, I do it somewhere that can be really easily covered. And when I start up again, I don't do it for very long.
I don't know.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Jenna on Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:46 am



Day 28.
To just get through each day without self harming.


**********

Day 29.
I follow some self harm instagram accounts.

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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  WalrusFaces (Layla) on Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:27 am

Day Nineteen:
1)Because I'll be a lot happier.
2)I wont have to worry about people noticing.
3)It means I wouldve succeeded.
4)I wouldnt hurt so much anymore.
5)Because Why the fuck not?

Day Twenty:
When I skipped gym and hid under the bleachers for the rest of the day sobbing uncontrollably.

Day Twenty one:
I never tried to stop in the past. This is the first time.

Day Twenty Two:
I think Erins Office. Theres nothing there to trigger me or any pressure to do it.

Day Twenty Three:
"Happiness does not depend on what you are, or who you are. It solely depends on what you think."

Day Twenty Four:
1)Being Alone: I cant stand to be by myself.
2)Thinking: sometimes when I think it feels like im exploding.
3)My house: Arguing arguing arguing all over pointless shit.
4)My family: They all act like somethings wrong with me. Im such a bad kid.
5)Idiots like Ryan Shithole.

Day Twenty five:
People who have cats are more likely to commit suicide. I have a cat.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  Taylor on Mon Feb 25, 2013 5:46 am

wow I forgot about this.

Day 11;
Spoiler:
School bathroom last year in W hall.

Day 12;
Spoiler:
I have a box in the back of a drawer in my nightstand. It's the only place where I know no one else will look for it since that drawer is littered with pretty much random junk and paper, and my aunt is prone to "cleaning" my room at random times.

Day 13;
Spoiler:
In the end it doesn't solve my problems, and it doesn't make me a happier person. But at the same time, it's completely worth it.

Day 14;
Spoiler:
No.

Day 15;
Spoiler:
No. I wouldn't even know what sites to go to if I wanted to lol.

Day 16;
Spoiler:
If you relapse, you need to continue to stay strong. Do not think that you've "ruined" something, you're human and you make mistakes, and sometimes we need to cave in a little to succeed in the long run.

Day 17;
Spoiler:
Besides those who are replying to this thread, no.

Day 18;
Spoiler:
Dear Taylor,
I guess essentially this means you're happy now. You really deserve that. You fought for a long time, and it all paid off. I'm really proud of you, and I look forward to being you. Thank you for finding the patience to get out of this slump. To find motivation and energy and to really start living.
- me.

Day 19;
Spoiler:
1. I can finally be happy.
2. I can proudly say I got out of the biggest slump I've ever been in.
3. I don't have to worry about anyone judging me.
4. Personally, cutting out one negative thing in my life will probably inevitably lead to cutting out more negative things.
5. aka I'll be FUCKING HAPPY. There doesn't need to be any more reason.

Day 20;
Spoiler:
July 4th last year when I hadn't cut in almost an entire year and then it felt like the entire weight of the world just collapsed on me and I came home from a party in tears, and found my old tools, and I relapsed, and I haven't stopped since then. I just remember reaching out to so many people and all of them ignoring me. And I realized it was kind of the only thing I could rely on when things got crazy. My friends weren't there for me. My blades were.

Day 21;
Spoiler:
Yes, and I did for a while. I'm not really making a huge effort to stop now.

Day 22;
Spoiler:
When I'm in a car and I'm listening to music. I can't really explain this. But looking out the window and getting my thoughts together just really calms me down.

Day 23;
Spoiler:
"“You know what’s really cool? Wake up every morning, decide what you feel like doing, and do it.”

Day 24;
Spoiler:
Loneliness. I like being by myself. I like being able to get control of my thoughts. There's a distinct difference from this and being completely alone.
My aunt/mom.
My """"""friends""""""" hah.

Day 25;
Spoiler:
Nope.

Day 26;
Spoiler:
Amanda Palmer.

Day 27;
Spoiler:
The scars that were on my wrists have now completely faded (this was from sixth grade/early seventh), and none of my other scars are visible unless I were to be naked.

Day 28;
Spoiler:
Find a hobby or something to keep my mind of self-harming. Pre-occupy myself to trick myself into feeling happier?
I think my main goal is to find friends that don't treat me and make me feel like shit.
At this point they're the main reason I cut anymore.

Day 29;
Spoiler:
I follow people who occasionally post self harm stuff but not anything dedicated to self-harm I hate accounts like that.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  raynebow2 on Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:33 pm

Hell, I guess I'm going to do it as well. Why not???


Day One:

How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.

Over a year? Something like that.

I can’t remember the exact reason I started but I know it had something to do with my biological family AND my foster family. Was super upset..yada yada yada. Had heard people talking about it helping. Decided to try it. Cut my upper forearm about thirty times? Felt a lot better afterwards. It was like I was on a cloud. Felt amazing. So.....I continued to do it. Again and again and again. Whenever I needed. And my razors were there for me. No matter what.




Day Two:

What part of your body is most affected by it?

Mainly thighs. Easiest place to hide it. There’s probably close to somewhere between 100 and 200? My sides have a few scars as well. But, mainly thighs.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  raynebow2 on Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:20 pm

Day Three:

What is your motivation to recover?

My motivation would be...my boyfriend, Alyson Tyler, Jarett, basically anyone with the link to my blog. And my dad. I know it would kill my dad to find out that I cut. He seems to only want me to be happy. And if I’m not happy, he won’t be happy either. Another motivation would be myself and my future. I don’t want to do this forever. I don’t want to need to do this forever. I want to be happy. Completely. And not need a stupid razor to make the unhappiness go away.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  raynebow2 on Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:28 pm

Day Four:

Do you consider yourself “addicted”? why or why not?

I used to not. Do I think I am now? Yes. I am. I used to do it because I was upset or I thought I needed it. Now I get little... itches (?)..that’s the best word for it. I start feeling like I need to do it. Even if nothing is wrong. I need it. If I don’t do it, things seem to get bad. I get upset, want to cry, get easily irritated, etc. Sooo...I do it. I’m addicted. I’m hooked on the pain and the rush I get with the blade hits my skin, the relief the blood flowing from the cut brings. The thoughts it temporarily erases. I’m addicted.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  raynebow2 on Sat Apr 20, 2013 12:08 am

Day Five:

What part of self harm do you dislike the most?

Scars. Thoughts. The horrible feeling of caving afterwards. Having to hide things all the time.

Day Six:

What about it do you enjoy?

The pain and rush while you’re doing it. The relief afterwards. The scary calm it brings.

Day Seven:

List ten activities that help you calm down.

Reading.
Writing.
Talking to a close friend.
Getting Konrad to tell me a penis joke.
Listening to music.
Walking.


Aannnddd...I don’t have ten. Sorry.
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Re: Just something Im doing on tumblr.

Post  raynebow2 on Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:52 pm

Day Eight:

What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?

Hmm. Tough one. I would guess it would be something that Alan (my boyfriend/best friend) said to me. He’s the one who always knows EXACTLY what to say and EXACTLY how to handle the situation. I think the most supportive thing he ever did say to me would be “I love you.” It’s really just that simple. Always has been.
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